Week 8 -3.4

I know what you're thinking -- "What a frickin' whinner! Oh poor me, I can't lose weight. Oops, lost 3.5 pounds."

In response I say:

- HA ha, I'm skinny, so kiss my butt!
- I took off my shoes to weigh in

It was a bold and Spartan week filled with popcorn and green salad. From Monday on, I pretty much didn't eat anything that was not a core food. Well, except for the white wine, but that's really just a venal sin.


Lessons learned in Week 8

1) My work shoes weigh about 1.5 pounds

2) Fat free popcorn is not improved by seasoning salt

3) Co-workers will refuse fat free popcorn because "it doesn't smell very good anyway"

4) Aliens ate my Buick

5) Coffee on an empty stomach makes me kind of giddy when I weigh less than 193 lbs

My Weekly numbers
WWW: 192.0
HSW: 187.5
NPL: -19.0
KRBTNPL: -35.0 [Knights of the Round Bottom Total Net Pounds Lost]

PS Duchess? Will Madame be joining us anytime soon? No pressure. Just askin'. I know you are busy flash dancing and going to thingers, but we need ya, baby.

Week 7 - 0.8

Another slow week. This weekend was not a screaming success either. I keep coming away Thursday night with big plans for a 3-4 pound week which goes by the wayside over the weekend. The best I can hope for by Thursday is another modest number in the red. The important thing is to keep the dowward trend. Maybe not such a bad thing to be going slowly.

Lessons learned in Week 7
1) Having a virus that makes you feel nasuseous is no guarantee of substantial weight loss

2) According to the eye doctor I saw on Friday, it is quite natural for a man my age to need reading glasses

3) Contrary to my theory about my arms being too short, I did in fact need reading glasses

4) A man should not wear reading glasses (and nothing else) while reading in bed unless he doess mind being a source of amusement for his wife

Welcome Duchess Tuckus
A warm welcome to our newest knight, Duchess Tuckus. The Duchess is still choosing her last meal but is planning on starting her quest RSN.

My Weekly numbers
WWW: 195.4 (Weight Watchers Weight)
HSW: 189.5 (Home Scale Weight)
NPL: -15.8 (Net Pounds Lost)

Becoming a single issue voter

I have decided to give up on political parties. Never much cared for the Republican party, and I can't say I'm too impressed with the Democrats either. As of today, I hereby agree to cast my vote for whomever actually does the most to correct Global Warming and it's related problems. I don't give a flying fuck if the candidate is a member of the Nazi party if they do something to first slow, then stop, then reverse the Big Heat Up.

People have been predicting global warming since I was 10. People said it would never happen.

Then, data came along that said in fact it was happening. That data was claimed to be false. "Hysterical doomsday predictions by enviromental extremists".

Now, it is pretty accepted that the world's temperature has risen 1 degree in the last 50 years. Nobody really seems to argue that it is true anymore. How can you argue with a world full of thermometers? But they still refuse to believe it has anything to do with global warming. "Temperature changes are normal. We could just be in a natural upswing".

The number and strength of hurricaines has been increasing till we are all now versed in the lingo of category 1-5 and for the first time ever we may run out of names for them. This is natural consequence of higher global temeratures. I listened on the news last night to hear a meterologist claim that the hurricaine activity was the same. "The apparent increase is probably just a reflection of increased accuracy in measurement."


Clearly, common sense, scientific evidence and a few other things are not going to carry this day. My vote goes to the Global Cooling party because in 50 years, I want to be able to tell my grandchildren that I did everything I could.

I hope to God I'm just not telling them from the underground complex that is our new home.

Maybe I was just tired

Went home last night, ate dinner and crashed at 7:30 PM. Slept 11 hours. Feel a lot better this morning. (I even threw away the number of the gun outlet.) I often wonder how often I overlook tiredness as the cause of my woes. By the way, if you don't have an understanding wife who does not complain when you fall asleep before your 7 year old, I sincerely suggest that you get one.

Weigh in later today. Think I'll be in the red but way short of 3 lbs.

Cat Lady needs a name and a new Grandmother
Laura, she who is going to die an old cat lady, has decided to join our quest. She is lacking a name for this endeavor, so if you have suggestions, just add to the other suggestions here. So far, my favorites is "Duchess Tuckus".

She is not quite ready to sign up though because she is currently seeking a new grandmother since hers is a pain. So if you can't think up a name for her and you have an extra grandma lying about, please send her on to the Cat lady.

Congrats to other noble questers
Sir Howling Belly and Sir Semisolid are off and running. Sir Howling Belly continues to work his way back down to where he can get on one bathroom scale for offical weigh in. Sir Semisolid hung in there even though his body seemed very resistant to the idea.

Thanks also to Tim, the Exercise Oracle, for his formal acceptance of his role. Though I know plenty about exercise, a few tweaks to my plan have helped immensely.

To date, the Knights of the Round Bottoms have lost a total of 26 lbs. That's a lot of lard, baby.

Hungry as a BIG DOG

I'd like to say I'm hungry because I've been so damm good about the diet all week. However, this would be a non-truth. An impartial observer could have easily mistaken me for a non-dieter or even a drunken viking at a Golden Corral. I have been realtively good since I woke up this morning. I could just be going through food withdrawl.

Had salad for pre-lunch snack and then for lunch. Now I'm eating the low-fat, carcinogenric popcorn and drinking a Tab. When it gets really bad, I remember that this is America, and I can go out and buy an automatic weapon and start killing people till I feel better. I mean I remember how good it feels to be 15 lbs lighter ... lighter ... lighter ... lighter fluid to set fire to the skinny people at the frickin' health club. The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.

Sorry, what I mean to say is that I am enjoying the challenge of making a new me. After all, the new me will just add to the several other me's that already talk in my head.

Week 6 -1.0

Not much to report. Got it in the red this week which was good. I want to do 3 lbs this week. I am planning to hit a beer festival on Sunday though. This will require just about perfect behavior the rest of the week. Any weight loss will be an improvement over my past dieting trend to spike heavily at week 6.

Lessons Learned in week 6

1) Weighing 15 lbs less is way cool. Even though I am not even halfway to my goal weight, I feel a lot better.

2) Weight Watchers makes a 100 calorie ice cream bar that is awesome.

3) It is considered "bad form" to finish the last 3 Weight Watchers ice cream bars without consulting your wife.

4) There is no place open at 10:30 PM on Monday nights that sells Weight Watchers ice cream bars.

WWW: 196.2
HSW: 190.5
NPL: -15

Knights of the Round Bottoms

Knights of the Round Bottoms it is!

I have put two links. The first is to Sir Semisolid, my brother is arms (and fat ass). The second is to the Exercise Oracle, a learned prophet of fitness lore. Like all Oracles, you never know if he'll answer your questions or that you'll understand the answer, but at least you'll have somewhere to go.

Call to Questers
Too long has the facinorous Celluloid ruled this fair land. It is time to rally the forces of good and drive evil from our hearts and flab from our thighs. Join us brothers and sisters as we journey from fustilug to fair waisted, from portly to petite. We lucky corpulent ones. The more the poundage the greater the glory!

Post your name and blog in the comments and join us as a Knight of the Round Bottom.

Round Knights Too Long at the Table ... Fat Guys in Black ( and White)

I just received notice that my old friend Sancho Pawnza may come on board so that we may quest for slimness together. The last time Sancho and I teamed up we started the "Knights Errant de la Maza" -- a group of patzers who quest to improve at chess. There are about 20 or so them now (check out the Knight's Errant sidebar at this site for a listing).

So ... we need a name? Any ideas?

Don Quixote might not be right for weight loss either. Perhaps I need a new alter ego as well.

A lot going on, and it's only Monday.

Week 5 - 3.4 lbs

Good week. For the first time, I am starting to feel different. More accurately, I am feeling like I look different. Not only am I more comfortable in clothes but also I actually look thinner (Not that I'm vain or ever notice anything about my appearance). In 7 more lbs I would reach my fist big goal which is to get to 10% of body weight lost, a total of 21 lbs.

I was thinking of hankering down and trying to make this in two weeks, but I have noticed an interesting trend in my two big prior weight loss efforts. I do great for 6 weeks and then fall off the wagon hard. One time I recovered; one time I did not. As such, I think I'm going to take it easy. Much more important is that I continue to lose any weight for the next few weeks.

Big run seems to have been the turning point on the Blues. I have been feeling much better since Tues. Coincidence? Maybe.

Lessons Learned in Week 5

1) One can get sick of popcorn if one eats a bag of it every day for 5 weeks

2) Whole wheat pasta tates essentially like regular pasta (and is allowable on the diet)

3) If you eat a humongo size bowl of whole wheat pasta, you will gain 2 lbs even though it is alowable on the diet.

4) It is possible to eat only one small piece of birthday cake at your 7 year old's birthday party

WWW: 197.2
HSW: 191.5
NPL: -14

Attempting to Beat the Crap Out of the Blues

I always get depressed in late August and early September. I have had many theories about this over the years -- back to school anxiety, post-tramatic stress of ... something I can't remember, allergies. Bottom line is that it just happens. There is nothing that makes it come or go faster. It's kinda like a virus. I just have to let it run its course. Of course, just like virus, you try all kinds of crazy things to make it pass.

I can confirm what drunks all over the world have known for centuries. You can beat depresssion by drinking. Sadly, it only works until you sober up when things are a bit worse than when you started drinking. Did much experimentation with this in my college years.

Putting food on top of depression is a losing battle. Nothing is more depressing than being depressed and fatter than you were yesterday.

Have tried various distractions -- books, movies, etc. Can kinda help but like drinking when done you usually feel worse.

In fact, I've only found one thing that sometimes can make a difference -- exercise. Good exercise really can keep depression at bay and/or make it much more bearable. Trouble is that the absolute last thing in the world you want to when you have the blues is strap on a pair of Nikes and go trot around the block. Lying in bed staring at the ceiling fan sounds like much better idea.

Anyway, had to do something today. I was miserable just thinking about how miserable it must be to be around me. So I went running. In fact, I decided I would attempt to run myself into the ground. There are two ways to do this:

1) Run really fast until you feel like you are breathing fire.
2) Run a really long time until your legs, body and mind go numb.

1 has its advantadges. It's over much quicker, and it looks very manly (unless you puke). But I was afraid of popping the quad again...

OK, I wasn't. My quad feels fine. Frankly, I just hate running fast. I'd much rather run a 10 miler than a 5K. What can I say? I like a lot of air. So I opted for 2. Ran at a decent, though not by any means speedy, clip for an hour and a half. This is 3 times longer than my normal run and half an hour longer than my "long" runs.

The verdict -- I dunno. I think I actually feel a little better. If nothing else, I feel slightly virtuous and too gd tired to be nasty. We'll see tomorrow morning.

To Die a Cat Lady ousts Saucy Librarian

Here endeth my life with Saucy Librarian. Hey, block me from access to your blog for 2 months and eventually I can take the hint. I have removed her from my template and replaced her with To Die a Cat Lady.

The Cat Lady is a fellow Saucy jiltee. She is a social worker so maybe we can form a support group. Quixotically she owns no cats but plans to be surrounded by them at her death. Hey, I used to be a 100% dog person and now love my cat. It could happen. I see no mention in her blog of tarting herself up to win chess tournaments, but she has twice placed in the money at wet t-shirt contests.

She looks like an interesting read.

Pop Goes the Quadricep

Walked onto the soccer field yesterday, and boy was I ready. Had eaten a few hours earlier so I wouldn't be too hungry or full; brought a jug of water with ice; donned my new cleats. Took two steps and that was all she wrote. My quad folded like a pup tent. Felt like someone had just jammed an ice pick in it. Came home. Limped around all night. Thought I was done for a couple of weeks, but it is only sore today.

Went out for a very light jog today, and it held up just fine. I just hadda in order to complete my fourth run of the week and thereby extend my streak to 3 consecutive weeks. {Crowd goes wild}

Hope my quad behaves it so I can play next week.

Week Four -0.4

Frankly, I'm pleased and undeserving. Porknomoria, the Greek goddess of weight loss, clearly has been smiling on me this week. Though I tried to be good during the week, I was less than virtuous.

Lessons learned during week 4:

1) Watch out for big physical exertion. Has a dual danger of leaving you famished and feeling deserving of mass consumables.

2) I'm supposed to be taking a daily multi-vitamin as part of the WW regimen.

3) If you eat salad long enough, you can start to discern a small amount of flavor in it.

4) Brown rice is impossible to cook.

5) If you lose weight while cheating on the program, it is best to keep this information to yourself when attending a Weight Watcher's meeting.

WWW: 200.4
HSW: 195.0
NPL: -10.6