Wednesday, August 24, 2005

A Return to the Green Period (and digressions)

In my early 30's, I took an unnatural* liking to olive green pants. Without really noticing it, I acquired a collection of 3-4 pair. That may not sound like a lot, but considering my work wardrobe usually hovers around 4-5 pairs of pants, it is. I was wearing olive green every day with an occasional khaki syncopation.

I grew out of the phase. Literally. They all got too small as I continued my inexorable march to 200+. I'm too cheap and fashion-immune to buy more clothes just because they look geeky. They need to either develop big holes or get so small that I can't breathe. If they get big holes, I wear them to do yard work. I may only work in the garden twice a year, but I've got horticultural clothes for every occasion. If they get too small, it's the far right side of the closet for them. I like my clothes like my politics, the further left the better. Gardening clothes go in the middle. Like moderates, they don't do much, but they're very comfortable.

Yesterday, I went to the dry cleaners and took my entire wardrobe with me**. Absent any clothing, I had to go searching. My leftist section was high and dry, and I was forced to go moderate. I was just about to chose a pair of blue pants with a small hole ("Do I have any blue underwear?") when I decided to take a look in the Barry Goldwater section.

I managed to fit into the largest of the olive drabs. I wouldn't say they were exactly comfortable, but I could breathe. Mostly.

This is progress.

* That's unnatural like unusually fond of, but not like "that shepherd has an unnatural relationship with his sheep."

** Well almost. I am wearing something now as after my last performance review I had to promise not to come to work naked anymore.


Blogger Sam said...

Keep it goin man ... I am going to have to go shopping pretty soon. I have been in a size 48 waist for as long as I can remember now. So I don't have any "skinny" clothes left. The alternative is to go to the suspendered look, which I've always guiltfully admired.

9:24 AM  

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