Saturday, April 16, 2005

Starting what you finish

Last night, Dulcinea was out until 10:00 PM with meetings. I had fallen asleep, so I took my rest day a day early. Technically, it should always come on Saturday, but I have been trying to wait until Monday. As I trot around the block late Monday night, I'm sure I'll wish I had not taken it Friday, but I was really tired. I almost yelled at my daughter during storytime for breathing too loud. (Sadly I'm not kidding.) I was beat.

Strong feelings this week of wanting to give up. The regimen is tiring, and progress is slow. I did hit 197.5 yeterday, but I'm back up to 198.5 today. I miss my vices, particularly the early evening beer. It is tempting to modify the program, but I think I should not. It's not that it is too hard but that I have taken away most of my escape valves. How does one deal with life's angst/malaise without diversion? Feel like I wanted to come to this place because I wanted to stop running from it. Really the plan was to get to this place and see what came out of it. Hard to wait when one is uncomfortable. But wait I shall.

Probably something to the timing of this too. I had similar thoughts on my chess quest at about this time in the process, and I recall something like this when I was on a similar Lent journey a year ago. Like then, the only certainty I can fall back on is that one usually reaches the point where the only reason to finish is that you said you'd do it.

27 days down, 73 to go
Weight: 198.5


Blogger GoodChessClub said...

Carry on Don, not only you're suffering. Just imagine what the feeling is when you're facing those unrealistic endings. Though still enjoy them, it's energy-consuming and always'd to cheer up myself. Now I'm forced to go on with the "Vic's Inferno", the prolonged version of yours. I think it's better to modify rather than give up.

12:30 AM  

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