Friday, November 18, 2005

Week 15 -3.4

Nobody was more surprised than I was. In fact, I made them weigh me twice. My weight had been hovering at 188ish since week 11. I had a spike up and then down and then I couldn't lose to save my life. Particularly hard was week 13 where I thought I did pretty well and ended up gaining .5 a lb. Week 14 I couldn't make weigh-in (and I didn't want to).

This week I had been more or less taking off. On advice from Tim, I went out and had a few juicy meals. (In all fairness, I believe his suggestion was for a singular trip out). Come Monday, I went back to the program, but not exactly with vim and vigor. Have had a cold. Maybe that has something to do with it.

Reflections at Week 15 -- "Sucking it up" versus "fuck it"
One of the main reasons I have taken on the weight loss quest as well as my earlier chess quest is my perception of myself that I don't have a lot of self-discipline. There are many things that I find myself wanting to do and/or stop doing that it seems I can't change. It always seemed that everyone else had better control of this than I. Part of my problem is that I grew up one block away from Tim, the Exercise Oracle whose powers of self-discipline are legendary.

My problem, as I saw it, was that I didn't have the ability to "suck it up". (Note to Temposchlucker: "Suck it up" means to just do something even if you don't want to, to do something on pure will.) I could see what I wanted to do; I could logically know that it was the right thing, but in the moment, I would fail. For example, I would go on diets where I would do great for a while. No mattter how tempted I was I would suck it up and stay the course. After a time though, I would just give up. This is where "fuck it" comes in.

Continuing with the diet example. A typical diet would end when I would come home from work one Friday at the end of my rope. I would want to scream,"I'm mad as hell and I ain't gonna take it anymore." I would then proceed to eat, drink and be merry. I would have a grand old time and that would be the end of the diet.

My diagnosis: I have no self-discipline because I can't suck it up when I need to and I always just say fuck it. It took me a while to realize that this is not true. In fact, I came to realize what is probably obvious to everyone else on the planet.

Obvious Earth Shattering Realization #1 --> These are 2 different reactions to a bad SITUATION. The only real long-term solution is to cut out the bad situation, not to change my reaction to it. The situation was that I was completely out of any strength to do what I wanted to except for my own personal bull-headed will.

So I started to try and figure out why I got in these bad situations. I found the bad situations had a few common characteristics. They usually happened when I:

a) was physically tired
b) had had a long string of "have tos"

Obvious Earth Shattering Realization #2 --> I need more regular rest in order to have good will reserves. This was best summed up in what I used to say about my chess regimen: "My enthusiasm for doing 2 hours of chess problems seems to have a strong correlation with what time I went to bed last night".

Obvious Earth Shattering Realization #3 --> There is a limited amount of things in one day that I can make myself do. It wasn't that I couldn't suck it up, I was sucking it up all the time. There are many things as an adult, parent that I just plain have to do -- get out of bed, go to work, take care of children, etc. By the time I got to "don't eat donut", I was just plain out of gas.

Speaking of have to, I have to stop this now and go to work. Will continue with thoughts at later date including

Obvious Earth Shattering Realization #4 -->bad situations still happen. Suck it up and fuck it are both still necessary.

Weight: 185.2
Net Pounds Lost: -26.0


Blogger Temposchlucker said...

I have a very strong will, but the problem is I can't dose it. Full throttle or nothing at all. If I use my willpower to lose weight, I end up in hospital. So I seldom use my will.
Hence I'm weak.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

I've never been convinced it's about will power. To my mind it's all about motivation.

If I said, "if you lose 2lbs by next week, I'll give you a dollar," then it's not much motivation.

If I said, "if you lose 2lbs by next week I'll give you $40,000," you'd sure as hell find a way to lose that weight.

The key is to find what truly motivates you

4:25 AM  
Blogger Temposchlucker said...

Kim, is that an offer?:)

4:46 AM  
Blogger Joel said...

Sir Boobs, you are right. The things I've accomplished are due to the fact that I've found a few things, in my case past emotional experiences, that I can tap at almost any time to push me forwards.
It's almost an "art": find the proper trigger for the given situation and pull it.

5:21 AM  
Blogger Sancho Pawnza said...

Great post!
Lots of great insight from all of the
Knights as to what makes us tick.

Sir Chubs- A lot of my new found ability to accomplish various tasks
comes from the knowledge I gained during our previous joint venture. It was a big
confidence boost, setting a goal and finishing it. It really set the tone in my ability to establish a pattern for attacking other areas of my life that for so long seemed unmanageable. That whole “Small steps add up to a long journey thing.” :)

I find it easier to get things done if I create a schedule and incorporate it into my daily routine. This eliminates a lot of over-lapping priorities which ultimately lead straight to "Fuck It" avenue.
(At one point I was thinking of purchasing real estate on "Fuck It" Avenue since I spent the majority of my time there.)
I felt like I always had too much stuff to do and not enough time to get to it all.

The trick is to shuffle the order periodically to avoid that overwhelming feeling of drudgery.
(Tim's suggestion of moderation and taking a break is crucial.)
I’m now a firm believer in setting goals in cycles with scheduled relaxation periods.

Sir Boobs/Tim- Well said!
Self-Motivation is an art form.
My Achilles heel like Sir Howling Belly’s was an all or nothing approach.
I would see something I wanted to obtain, and go for it wide fucking open until
I burned myself out, collapsed, or gave up because I didn’t get instant results. (ala
Duchess Tuckess) I wish she would have stuck around long enough to see that
those feelings are experienced by everyone of us. From what I gathered she was being hit from all sides with a variety of issues. Kind of the way I felt prior to my first journey with Sir Chubs. Maybe she will return to her place at the round table, it is always open.

I realize now that it’s about planning, moderation, and maintaining records.
Be it a blog or a notebook they both serve the same purpose in giving one a way
to record the journey.
For me it’s easier to stay motivated while climbing the mountain if I can take a break to look down at the valley below just to see how far I have come, and get a sense of accomplishment.

3:07 PM  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

What happened to week 16 Sir Chubalot? In fact, nearly all the knights seem to have gone quiet. Have I missed something?

-Sir Man Boobs-

2:20 AM  
Blogger Don Q. said...

I can only speak for the Americans. Thanksgiving was the last week of November. I imagine not many of us managed not to stuff out faces. We are all quiet cuz we are too full of turkey.

12:14 PM  

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